So how is it that your children always get sick when your spouse is out of town on business??? I can not count the times that one of our children have visited the doctor, let alone the times they have ended up in the ER when daddy is away. And it is never something easy like say a broken arm, or some other no brainer. It is always the mystery illness...the random fever...the unwavering tears...You know the kind that stops right when you pull into the ER parking lot and you stop and question yourself,"is it really that bad, or is it just my imagination?" Or my new favorite(because I fell victim just hours ago when we took a trip to the ER because Beez was waking up every 15 screaminig about her right ear hurting...mind you we were at the doctor for another reason this afternoon and her ear was fine) But back to the story, I finally decide to cart her off to the ER to be checked after 3 hours of misery...unending tears, break your heart sobs...so I call my sister and tell her husband that I need to bring the boys to their house so I can take Beez to the ER(remember Big Daddy is in FL...working) wake up the boys, which was funny to begin with because Snake had been coughing so I gave him nighttime cough medicine...so he was looney, and off to KC's we go. Beez cries all the way there (5 minutes) and then stops when we arrive. Boys get out, I update KC and we are off.
Fifteen minutes later I am a few blocks from the ER when Beez starts laughing to herself in the backseat about the Backyardigans. So I did what any mother would do...I pulled over and demanded that she decide if she was hurting enough to go to the hospital or should we just go home...okay, so since she is only 3yrs old, I basically argued with myself, and in the end decided that it wouldn't be the first or last time I played the part of the overproctective parent and went on.
Turns out, she has a really bad ear infection, we were in and out in less than an hour. Now I am sitting here wondering if when I was argueing with myself...was it really doubt or intuition all along?
Friday, January 18, 2008
Be the Moon
Last summer a friend of mine was wearing a T-shirt that said..."Be the Moon" I thought about it for a moment and then finally had to ask.."What does your shirt mean?" She said that we are to be a reflection of Christ in our daily lives..just like the moon is simply a reflection of the sun. I have often pondered this exchange, not b/c I disagree, but b/c I totally agree. Since that conversation, many times I have simply said to myself, "Self, what are you reflecting?" My answer was not always a good one, but just posing the question seemed to put me in a better place. Fast forward to this last week, I was fishing with my husband and kids(yes, we fish for fun in MS, my daughter Micah, caught the most that day!!!) and I was struck by the reflection of this old ratty, no leaves, ugly, barren tree that stood next to the pond. The tree was nothing special, it had no beautiful qualities about it. Its surroundings did not help its case for beauty either. And yet, I was speechless as to the beauty of its reflection in the water. You see the backdrop to the tree was some old ratty buildings, some broken down trailers(as in homes) and more bleak and barren trees. But in the reflection, only the tree was present...not the ugliness behind it. And somehow, the barren lonely tree that stood before me, was transformed into a thing a radiance and beauty. The skeleton that looked worn and tattered in its real state, became in its reflection a thing a true beauty. I once again stopped and asked myself," Self, are you like that tree?" And Self answered humbly, "I sure hope so."
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Homechooling
I can not believe that I have been teaching my children at home for 6 years...where has the time gone??? Every day brings a new a challenge and with that sometimes I feel like I have been blessed beyond measure and other times I wonder why I am cursed! What a huge responsibility to train up a child...I feel so honored to walk this path yet sometimes the details cloud my mind. Are we doing enough science? What about a foreign language? Am I instilling in them a desire to learn or just a desire to compleste a task? The good moments are like gold...and I feel validated...but then sometimes I let satan trick me and I feel worthless and completely not prepared to do the tasks. Thank GOD, for GRACE. I need a lot of it. For myself and for my children...Oh, that the Lord walks with me...takes my hand and leads the way. So, as I start our second semester and the holidays are behind us...Lord give me clarity, give me purpose, and pour out grace on us all.
Monday, January 14, 2008
ER
4/30/2007 10:56 AM
The phone rang this morning. It was my friend Shawna. She was not feeling well, and was going to take herself to the ER. She just wanted me to know so that I could get her kids if she did not make it home before they did. This of course was ridiculous because the reason that she was going to the ER was chest pains…like I would even let her drive herself!!! So I gathered up my passel of children, including snacks and GameBoy DS, and we headed to pick her up at work. We are now at the ER waiting to hear back on the blood work, so far her heart seems fine, and her oxygen is normal. Throughout the morning I have tried to keep her spirits up, cracking jokes and reminding her that I owed her a ride to the ER anyway, since she took me back in August. I was not as good of a patient as she is now, I was the moaning and hollering type, a great memory for the both of us. As they were drawing her blood work, I saw a sign that read “If you take Viagra please tell the nurse” I told her she better just let them know now. She laughed. We continued to chuckle about the funny nurse who was seeing her, his name is Jeff, which made us laugh to begin with, he informed us that if the monitor started beeping because her heart stopped to make sure and holler at him…and he would run go get the paddles…he loved to use them…to which I replied that we could get them and use them anyway, it could be fun. The X-ray department like her chest so much the tried to take her twice to get a picture of it…she politely declined. My boys are out in the waiting room…really tough life, watching cartoons, and Micah is in the room with us…I am sure we are about to get kicked out because she is SO loud…which is made worse when she was listening to my MP3 player, sitting right next to me and yelling that my favorite song was on. She is also the town crier…every time the blood pressure machine beeps(which it does every 5 minutes) Beez announces, “that beep means it’s time to check on the brothers” like they are in the microwave and are ready for us to eat them. After about 4 hours, the novelty of getting out of school has worn off and my kids, who have now joined us in the ER exam room are growing weary. They have already eaten a weeks worth of snacks, watched 3 Andy Griffiths on the DVD player, and are longing for a change of scenery. So I inquire about an estimated time frame, jokingly asking if we were looking at 15 minutes and my kids could just be hungry till we made it home, or if I should just give up and take them down to the cafeteria…Jeff, our comedian nurse quipped, ”its looking like cafeteria time kids” So now the fun really begins. My kids were in “field trip” mode…like this was going to be some kind of adventure or something…an elevator ride, a long dim hallway, that at last lead us to the grandeur of the hospital cafeteria. They obviously knew something I did not…this turned out to be quiet the adventure. You would have thought that Jared had never been to a restaurant before…and Beez, still being louder than even humanly possible, was giving us a loud speaker version of the Crum lunch play by play. I was torn between praying that nobody would recognize us and begging for someone to know us, and at least validate that we were not always this circus-like spectacle. Did I mention, that even though we did manage to get dressed and get our teeth brushed, that no one had a chance to brush their hair…me included. The kids all had bed-head and I was no better with all mine pulled back in a pony tail and not a stitch of makeup. So we finally and miraculously made it through our lunch field trip and headed back to the ER to check on Shawna. It was quickly decided that I should go and pick up her kids, which I did. She was finally released that evening, with a take home monitor to boot. All in all, a very interesting day. The laundry went undone. The house stayed a wreck, due in part to the tornado of us rushing to leave earlier that day. My email, survived without me checking on it, as did my myspace page. And the kids never did get their hair brushed. Kind of like a MasterCard commercial. All the prices paid that day did not compare to the moments helping a friend in need. PRICELESS. Come to think of it, I guess the kids did go to school that day…the school of life.
The phone rang this morning. It was my friend Shawna. She was not feeling well, and was going to take herself to the ER. She just wanted me to know so that I could get her kids if she did not make it home before they did. This of course was ridiculous because the reason that she was going to the ER was chest pains…like I would even let her drive herself!!! So I gathered up my passel of children, including snacks and GameBoy DS, and we headed to pick her up at work. We are now at the ER waiting to hear back on the blood work, so far her heart seems fine, and her oxygen is normal. Throughout the morning I have tried to keep her spirits up, cracking jokes and reminding her that I owed her a ride to the ER anyway, since she took me back in August. I was not as good of a patient as she is now, I was the moaning and hollering type, a great memory for the both of us. As they were drawing her blood work, I saw a sign that read “If you take Viagra please tell the nurse” I told her she better just let them know now. She laughed. We continued to chuckle about the funny nurse who was seeing her, his name is Jeff, which made us laugh to begin with, he informed us that if the monitor started beeping because her heart stopped to make sure and holler at him…and he would run go get the paddles…he loved to use them…to which I replied that we could get them and use them anyway, it could be fun. The X-ray department like her chest so much the tried to take her twice to get a picture of it…she politely declined. My boys are out in the waiting room…really tough life, watching cartoons, and Micah is in the room with us…I am sure we are about to get kicked out because she is SO loud…which is made worse when she was listening to my MP3 player, sitting right next to me and yelling that my favorite song was on. She is also the town crier…every time the blood pressure machine beeps(which it does every 5 minutes) Beez announces, “that beep means it’s time to check on the brothers” like they are in the microwave and are ready for us to eat them. After about 4 hours, the novelty of getting out of school has worn off and my kids, who have now joined us in the ER exam room are growing weary. They have already eaten a weeks worth of snacks, watched 3 Andy Griffiths on the DVD player, and are longing for a change of scenery. So I inquire about an estimated time frame, jokingly asking if we were looking at 15 minutes and my kids could just be hungry till we made it home, or if I should just give up and take them down to the cafeteria…Jeff, our comedian nurse quipped, ”its looking like cafeteria time kids” So now the fun really begins. My kids were in “field trip” mode…like this was going to be some kind of adventure or something…an elevator ride, a long dim hallway, that at last lead us to the grandeur of the hospital cafeteria. They obviously knew something I did not…this turned out to be quiet the adventure. You would have thought that Jared had never been to a restaurant before…and Beez, still being louder than even humanly possible, was giving us a loud speaker version of the Crum lunch play by play. I was torn between praying that nobody would recognize us and begging for someone to know us, and at least validate that we were not always this circus-like spectacle. Did I mention, that even though we did manage to get dressed and get our teeth brushed, that no one had a chance to brush their hair…me included. The kids all had bed-head and I was no better with all mine pulled back in a pony tail and not a stitch of makeup. So we finally and miraculously made it through our lunch field trip and headed back to the ER to check on Shawna. It was quickly decided that I should go and pick up her kids, which I did. She was finally released that evening, with a take home monitor to boot. All in all, a very interesting day. The laundry went undone. The house stayed a wreck, due in part to the tornado of us rushing to leave earlier that day. My email, survived without me checking on it, as did my myspace page. And the kids never did get their hair brushed. Kind of like a MasterCard commercial. All the prices paid that day did not compare to the moments helping a friend in need. PRICELESS. Come to think of it, I guess the kids did go to school that day…the school of life.
What I am and what I am NOT-the confession
I am NOT a good housekeeper. While I would admit that I get it honestly, it still does not change the fact that our house is not as “together” as I would like it. There is always a pile on the end of the counter, my desk is cluttered, and the stack of random items by the door is the only visible sign that I actually do attempt to make a difference. (The pile is of things that do not “live” in my house, like library books, gifts for others, things that I have that belong to someone else, and things that just need to be moved out of the house and into the storage shed)
I am NOT very patient with incompetence. I really struggle with anyone in a position that can not fulfill the duties that the afore mentioned position requires. The grocery clerk that does not know the difference between bananas and plantains or peaches and nectarines, really aggravate me.
I am NOT empathetic for those who have no empathy. That select group of human beings brings me more frustration towards the plight of the human race than any other…the main problem being that 2 out of 3 people most likely fall into that group.
I am NOT a bystander. And I often get aggravated when others stand by without appropriate action.
I am NOT a successful business woman. I always thought I would be climbing the corporate/academic ladder, and I am not.
I am NOT particularly political.
I am NOT inventive.
I am NOT artistic.
I am NOT perfect.
I am NOT a genius.
I am NOT a financial wizard.
I am NOT attentive to detail.
I am NOT a historian or a novelist.
I am NOT extravagant.
I am NOT plain.
I am NOT in as good a shape as I would like (mentally, spiritually, or physically).
I am NOT a doctor or a lawyer.
I am NOT an escape artist or a con artist.
I am NOT prolific in anything in particular.
I AM blessed beyond measure and merit.
I AM a wife, mother, daughter, and sister.
I AM a loyal friend.
I AM beloved by GOD
I AM an imperfect home schooling mother.
I AM a witness to my own life.
I AM a liar, a thief, a blasphemer, and an idol worshiper.
I AM a work in progress.
I AM redeemed.
I AM flawed.
Love me for who I AM for I will not defined by what I am NOT.
I am NOT a good housekeeper. While I would admit that I get it honestly, it still does not change the fact that our house is not as “together” as I would like it. There is always a pile on the end of the counter, my desk is cluttered, and the stack of random items by the door is the only visible sign that I actually do attempt to make a difference. (The pile is of things that do not “live” in my house, like library books, gifts for others, things that I have that belong to someone else, and things that just need to be moved out of the house and into the storage shed)
I am NOT very patient with incompetence. I really struggle with anyone in a position that can not fulfill the duties that the afore mentioned position requires. The grocery clerk that does not know the difference between bananas and plantains or peaches and nectarines, really aggravate me.
I am NOT empathetic for those who have no empathy. That select group of human beings brings me more frustration towards the plight of the human race than any other…the main problem being that 2 out of 3 people most likely fall into that group.
I am NOT a bystander. And I often get aggravated when others stand by without appropriate action.
I am NOT a successful business woman. I always thought I would be climbing the corporate/academic ladder, and I am not.
I am NOT particularly political.
I am NOT inventive.
I am NOT artistic.
I am NOT perfect.
I am NOT a genius.
I am NOT a financial wizard.
I am NOT attentive to detail.
I am NOT a historian or a novelist.
I am NOT extravagant.
I am NOT plain.
I am NOT in as good a shape as I would like (mentally, spiritually, or physically).
I am NOT a doctor or a lawyer.
I am NOT an escape artist or a con artist.
I am NOT prolific in anything in particular.
I AM blessed beyond measure and merit.
I AM a wife, mother, daughter, and sister.
I AM a loyal friend.
I AM beloved by GOD
I AM an imperfect home schooling mother.
I AM a witness to my own life.
I AM a liar, a thief, a blasphemer, and an idol worshiper.
I AM a work in progress.
I AM redeemed.
I AM flawed.
Love me for who I AM for I will not defined by what I am NOT.
Tuesday, October 9, 2007
The Confession
What I am and what I am NOT-the confession
I am NOT a good housekeeper. While I would admit that I get it honestly, it still does not change the fact that our house is not as “together” as I would like it. There is always a pile on the end of the counter, my desk is cluttered, and the stack of random items by the door is the only visible sign that I actually do attempt to make a difference. (The pile is of things that do not “live” in my house, like library books, gifts for others, things that I have that belong to someone else, and things that just need to be moved out of the house and into the storage shed)
I am NOT very patient with incompetence. I really struggle with anyone in a position that can not fulfill the duties that the afore mentioned position requires. The grocery clerk that does not know the difference between bananas and plantains or peaches and nectarines, really aggravate me.
I am NOT empathetic for those who have no empathy. That select group of human beings brings me more frustration towards the plight of the human race than any other…the main problem being that 2 out of 3 people most likely fall into that group.
I am NOT a bystander. And I often get aggravated when others stand by without appropriate action.
I am NOT a successful business woman. I always thought I would be climbing the corporate/academic ladder, and I am not.
I am NOT particularly political.
I am NOT inventive.
I am NOT artistic.
I am NOT perfect.
I am NOT a genius.
I am NOT a financial wizard.
I am NOT attentive to detail.
I am NOT a historian or a novelist.
I am NOT extravagant.
I am NOT plain.
I am NOT in as good a shape as I would like (mentally, spiritually, or physically).
I am NOT a doctor or a lawyer.
I am NOT an escape artist or a con artist.
I am NOT prolific in anything in particular.
I AM blessed beyond measure and merit.
I AM a wife, mother, daughter, and sister.
I AM a loyal friend.
I AM beloved by GOD
I AM an imperfect home schooling mother.
I AM a witness to my own life.
I AM a liar, a thief, a blasphemer, and an idol worshiper.
I AM a work in progress.
I AM redeemed.
I AM flawed.
Love me for who I AM for I will not defined by what I am NOT.
I am NOT a good housekeeper. While I would admit that I get it honestly, it still does not change the fact that our house is not as “together” as I would like it. There is always a pile on the end of the counter, my desk is cluttered, and the stack of random items by the door is the only visible sign that I actually do attempt to make a difference. (The pile is of things that do not “live” in my house, like library books, gifts for others, things that I have that belong to someone else, and things that just need to be moved out of the house and into the storage shed)
I am NOT very patient with incompetence. I really struggle with anyone in a position that can not fulfill the duties that the afore mentioned position requires. The grocery clerk that does not know the difference between bananas and plantains or peaches and nectarines, really aggravate me.
I am NOT empathetic for those who have no empathy. That select group of human beings brings me more frustration towards the plight of the human race than any other…the main problem being that 2 out of 3 people most likely fall into that group.
I am NOT a bystander. And I often get aggravated when others stand by without appropriate action.
I am NOT a successful business woman. I always thought I would be climbing the corporate/academic ladder, and I am not.
I am NOT particularly political.
I am NOT inventive.
I am NOT artistic.
I am NOT perfect.
I am NOT a genius.
I am NOT a financial wizard.
I am NOT attentive to detail.
I am NOT a historian or a novelist.
I am NOT extravagant.
I am NOT plain.
I am NOT in as good a shape as I would like (mentally, spiritually, or physically).
I am NOT a doctor or a lawyer.
I am NOT an escape artist or a con artist.
I am NOT prolific in anything in particular.
I AM blessed beyond measure and merit.
I AM a wife, mother, daughter, and sister.
I AM a loyal friend.
I AM beloved by GOD
I AM an imperfect home schooling mother.
I AM a witness to my own life.
I AM a liar, a thief, a blasphemer, and an idol worshiper.
I AM a work in progress.
I AM redeemed.
I AM flawed.
Love me for who I AM for I will not defined by what I am NOT.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Her First Date
I knew this day would come...I just did not know it would be here so soon. The Beez went on her first date tonight. It was so heartbreaking to see her get into the truck and drive away...I stood there thinking what would I do with my time while she is away? Will she have a good time? Will everyone like her dress? I wish I could be there...to witness the first of everything, but that is not my place. I have to let her go even though it is hard. She looked beautiful. Her hair was curly, her dress was white and purple, she even had matching gloves and a shiny purse. My only saving grace was that I knew and trusted her date. He is responsible, and promised to have her home before curfew. Of course, he is a married man, but since it is a Father/Daughter Dance, I guess that that is appropriate. Two loves of my life, dancing the night away. Her "card" will be filled with the Chicken Dance, the Hokie Pokie, the Mexican Hat Dance, and many others. I can not wait to hear about all the details. Actually, I didn't have to wait that long at all. Big Daddy called after only 15minutes there...The Beez wants to come home. She gets on the phone with me, tells me through the tears that she does not know how to dance and that she wants me and wants to be home. At this point, I just want her to have a good time, make some great memories and dance the night away, with her first love. So I plead with her, stay with dad, let him hold you and he will do all the dancing. Come home in a little bit and tell me all about it. They reluctantly decide to give it a few more minutes, and that was over an hour ago. I do not know how the night will turn out, but I do know that one day she will be out on a real date, and I will be the one who really wants her home with me. So for know, I am glad to be the one on the couch...lonely but happy to know that at least at this point in her life, when she cries, she wants me because I can make it all better. What a priviledge.
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