Remodeling...more than I bargained for

We are still working on our kitchen remodel. We decided 3 weeks ago to have custom cabinets made and installed by a professional. We were kind of stuck after the cabinets that we planned to install ourselves were discontinued. Since we were not going to be able to match our existing ones, we decided to start all over and pay someone else to have the headache. I was so looking forward to doing "our" part and let the heavy weights handle all the hard stuff. We were going to have 3-4 weeks to patch the drywall where we had removed a wall, remove the popcorn from the ceiling and re-texture it, fix a plumbing issue, and remove the existing cabinets.

Easy enough, right?

WRONG!!!

It has been one headache after another. Both my DH and I were wearing thin, and it was really getting to the point of not even being excited about the beautiful cabinets that would be arriving once we tackled "our" part. I was ready to throw my entire kitchen out the window...and would have, but that would have been one more drywall patch that I would have to do and it just wasn't worth it in the end.

Everything, and I mean everything has been a problem. Not one thing went according to plan. Most things didn't even go by plan B or plan C...that's how bad it has been.

Then just when I think I see the light at the end of the nightmare, I see that God has a remodel of His own in mind.

I shake my head in wonder. What is HE thinking? Why now? Why this area? Why can't I just remodel my kitchen now and my soul later?

Then I am reminded that God often speaks to me when my world is already slightly off kilter. Like when there is all kinds of turmoil around me and everything seems shaken, He comes in and shakes me. I am beginning to see that I often miss his subtle clues and hence when I finally pick up on His still small voice, it is only because I have given up on everything else. I am at my whits end, and unable to take any more.

And there He is saying, "Did we really have to go through this all again?"

Than slowly, it unravels before me. My hindsight is amazing! I mean, I could really get lost in bragging about how clear I see the signs when I am looking at them from this side. Yep, there it is, the small nudging of my Father to slow down and listen. And there it is again, that verse that came to me...out of the blue. And then I see Him speaking to me through others, and then in my prayer life...and YET I never listened and heeded.

And now, here I am. Disheveled and ashamed of my own "cabinetry". Aware of every flaw, and in pride, still pointing out that everybody else is worse off.

I guess my life, like my kitchen, was in worse shape than originally believed. And only in removing the old, and tearing down the rotted frame work, was the real transformation even possible.

I want more than anything for my real kitchen to be beautiful and a shining example of the hard work that has been put into it.

But more than that, I want to be a new creation. A shining example of what a True Master can do with a shabby excuse for a disciple. I realize that remodeling is always more work than new construction. Instead of building from the ground up, you must weigh what is worth keeping and what must be replaced.

Remodeling always involves removing the old and replacing it with the new. It just hurts so bad.

I am trying to be a visionary. Trying to find that place of new creatures, of solid foundations. But the cost seems so steep. And I am not feeling worth it.

But maybe I can cling to the fact that He says I am.

Not only that, but that I can be transformed. Made new.

Me and my kitchen, are gettin a face lift.

Bear with me. He's not done with me just yet.