Jealousy

The following is one of the many posts that were started and never posted due to the time constraints of our remodeling process. This was from the first week of April.

I have so much I want to share. Our life has been very chaotic the last week with both a wedding and a birthday on our schedule, hence all the stories that I want to throw out there.

First let me start with the wedding. A friend of ours was getting married, we have known the groom for a while, and we have gotten to know the bride over the past few years, but we have never met any of her family or friends. My husband was asked to be a groomsman, which I looked forward to since, as I have stated before he is not a suit wearin' man, he's a jeans wearin' man. So, when the opportunity arises for a tux, I get a little beside myself.(In thirteen years, he has never worn a traditional suit, and he has only worn a tux at our wedding and both my sisters weddings...so I was due for a day of refinement)

As the day approached, I was looking forward to a day of fun and relaxation. I was sadly mistaken. When we arrived at the rehearsal, it suddenly hit me that someone else was going to be on his arm during the ceremony, and that did not sit very well with me. You should know that I, by nature am NOT a jealous person. If I were to calculate how many jealous bones were in my body, I would have to confess that maybe the little toe on my right foot struggles at times. But really, it is rarely something that I have to deal with.

That being said...forget it.

When my eyes fell upon the young, blond, never-had-a-baby-flat-bellied, twenty something girl, my almost forty something husband was going to escort, my entire being became green with jealousy.

I tried at first to cut her some slack, maybe she was sweet and harmless. But then she started to lean into my husband and giggle as they rehearsed the recessional. That did it, I was on the verge of falling out. (As in take her out)


Somehow, I made it through the rehearsal and the wedding, but then came the reception. I was like a hawk on the prowl, with my eyes set on the varmint. Now, let me say, on behalf of varmints, that field mice do not know that they are varmints. They live their life scurrying about, not knowing that they could possibly be scooped up and ravished by a mother hawk, hence becoming dinner for the offspring. In nature that may work. But we were not in nature, we were in the country club. And, let me give a shout out to all twenty somethings out there. When a man is spoken for, back off. Don't giggle, and for sure don't touch his arm when you do it. That is like putting a target on your back, and it makes it much easier for the prey to lock in and go for the kill.


One of my dearest girlfriends, who will go unnamed to protect her identity, totally had my back. She was ready to either pray me through this episode, or to hold down the varmint as I laid her out. She, like a good friend, totally understood my point of view. Her husband was the only other none 20-something in the wedding party. On a side note, we were HILARIOUS!!! I mean to tell you, we had every angle covered.(as well as every exit!!!) I had pretty much decided that she, the varmint, was either CLUELESS or STUPID. Either way it did not matter, I had my eye on her.

At one point during the reception I went to speak to our pastor and his wife. Don't think too highly of me, for I was not going to seek counsel, I was just going to say "hi." During our chat, my pastors wife said, "I thought it was so sweet during the ceremony, when Jeff looked at you and winked." To which I responded, "Ms Donna, I am having a hard time recalling the sweetness of that moment since it was followed by my husband having the arm of another, much younger women wrapped with his" She replied, " I know isn't she the cutest thing?" Trying to control myself I added,"Ms Donna, don't bait me, right now I really want to take her out." At that, my pastor sealed the deal with, "I'm not worried April. You could TOTALLY take her." I knew I loved him.

My opinion was sealed when, during the reception she danced with a bunch of different guys in ways that, in my opinion, were not wedding reception appropriate.
I hit the limit when, while my man was dancing sweetly with our daughter, she was dancing with the aforementioned parade of men. I promise you , I was ready to bum rush her at the first sight of her coming within 3 feet of my man. I was really sitting there, with my back-up(my girlfriend) just waiting. I really thought it was going to be an all out girl fight.

Luckily, for her, she was distracted or in fear, and she kept her distance. As we packed up and headed home, I thought the jealousy would subside. I knew the next morning in church, I would have to come clean, and deal with the sin that fueled my behavior. I was not looking forward to the service, knowing that somehow, whenever I have to deal with something, the Lord ALWAYS makes sure that the sermon hits me straight between the eyes.

Well, it did. In a way I never could have imagined.

Our pastor is known for using a lot of relevant news and world happenings in his sermons. Well, this one was no different. The Internet and probably your email has been smack full of items regarding Oprah and her "spiritual" teachings on the web. I had really not cared much about all the hoop-la. Although I am a fan of some of her shows, I am not a die hard nor a "follower." But then he played a clip from the web cast. I have tried to find it, but I guess I am not the Internet savvy.

In the clip she takes a video phone question from a viewer. She asked Oprah how she rectified her new beliefs (in regards to the new ageism) with her Christian beliefs that she was brought up with.

Her response was something like this. I have always believed in a power greater than myself. And during times in my life I have conformed to certain religious beliefs. But the turning point for me came years ago as I sat in a very prominent church and listened to the message being given. From the pulpit, the minister said, "God is a Jealous God." And I started to think to myself, well, I know that He is a loving God, and a righteous God, but Jealous? God is jealous of me? That made me realize that I did not want to adhere to the belief system.

I felt so sorry for Oprah at that moment. And my Pastor, immediately corrected her thought process, by reminding us that God is not jealous OF us...He was jealous FOR us.

During the rest of the sermon, he sighted verse after verse of how God is jealous for us. That He desires for us to only have eyes for Him. That His jealousy was a righteous jealousy...for our benefit, He desires us to love him completely and to love Him exclusively. It was VERY powerful. I saw my actions from the night before in a new light. Not necessarily justifying my thoughts, but definitely giving them perspective.

I started to see that I was not jealous of the twenty-something. I was jealous for the attention of my beloved.(which, by the way, I never really questioned...my focus was always on the varmint) I was however, threatened by the fact that she could draw his attention away from me and onto her. I was Jealous for my husband. Simple as that.

But more importantly, I started to see how my daily actions, robbed my Lord from my affections. Oh, how wonderful to follow a God who is not jealous of things that take our focus off Him. But instead He reserves His jealously, strictly FOR us. He is not swayed (like I was) by the distraction that takes our attention. He is solely focused on us, and our attention on Him.

That is where I made my mistake. I focused on the distraction.

Oh, Lord keep my eyes on you. Help me to see truth in a dark world. Guide me to your heart that I may dwell in the presence of your glory. May my heart belong only to you and may I be given the opportunity to serve you daily. Thank you for this life lesson. Thank you for loving me so much that anything that takes my love away from you makes you burn with jealousy. I am humbled that you love me so much that you are JEALOUS for me with divine jealousy. Make me ever aware of where your jealousy resides...for me not of me.