Not Me Monday

It's that time again...Not Me Monday





I did not spend the last week on Facebook reuniting with friends from elementary school...because that would mean that I would have to admit that elementary school was more than 20 years ago for me...and who wants to admit that???? Not Me!!!

I did not try to explain math to my oldest son by saying, " you can not add those together...it's like apples, pears and oranges....they are different." Only to hear my little girl say, " you can add those together Mommy, you can make 'p-o-r-n-g-e-l-s juice...that would be yummy." To which I then had to explain that that was not a good made up word...not one we should be sharing with others. Not me.

Not Me Monday 12/22

This is my year end edition of Not Me's...a little trip down memory lane.
A final farewell to some of my not so great moments in 2008.

I did not start a kitchen remodel with one budget and then end up spending 4x that amount...cause that would mean...well I guess that would mean that I have a REALLY AWESOME kitchen.

During the same kitchen remodel, I did not actually have a come to Jesus meeting with my ceiling...knowing of course that such a great and Awesome God would have no time for such idle things. But if I did not do that, then I would have missed an AWESOME work of God in me during the meeting with the ceiling and Jesus...and believe me...I was there.

I did not act a fool when my oldest boy played baseball this season. Cause I am one of those sit quietly-mind my own business-never give the ref my point of view-and I never ever raise my voice....honestly, I am all those and love it. I am actually the mom who will even cheer loud and proud for your kid, if you are one of those that I am not.

I did not cry this year when I realized that my baby girl is growing up. I thought for sure that she would stay tiny and toddler like since I asked so nicely, but no she is 5 going on 15 and even though I am sad that my littlest one's littleness is fleeting, I am so proud of the lady I know she will become.

I did not witness this exchange between Big Daddy and the Beez while trying to get the kids in bed:
"Beez, don't make me come back there and close your door" (she was crying about having to go to bed)
(through sobs and tears) "I don't have a door Daddy"
While remodeling the house, we replaced their doors, so technically she HAS a door, but it isn't hung yet, because we are going to replace her floor also(after the new year)...nothing like a guilt trip for Dad.

I did not almost loose my pants during a boat-turned-swim race while chaperoning at church camp this summer. While everyone was yelling at me to get out of the lake and tag the next teams hand...there I stayed in the mere 18 inches of water, trying to get my black yoga pants from my ankles to waist. Of course, if my partner would have rowed better, we would have never ended up IN the lake instead of skimming along on its surface.

I did not wash my favorite cell phone in the washing machine. Cause when you love something you take care of it. Of course, if I never washed it, then I wouldn't be the proud owner of an iphone...not me.

I did not just get done wrapping 60+ gifts...and I am still not done.

I did not sneak one more gift under the tree that my hubby is totally not expecting.

I am not blogging right now instead of getting ready for our Christmas Party on Wednesday night....because I HAVE NO TIME!!!!

Not Me Monday 12/8/08

Is is Monday already??? Goodness, where did our weekend go??? Here are my official confessions for the week...oh wait, I mean, my official denials for the week.

+++UPDATED at 10:47pm Monday Night+++++++
I had to add one more Not Me since it is so fresh and the evidence is still on my lips...literally.

I DID NOT send the kids to bed and then go into the kitchen and make a batch of chocolate chip cookies just so I could eat the raw dough.

I did not get literally giddy while shopping when I purchased $2195.00 worth of high end clothes from Dillard's for only $225.00...cause that would mean that I only paid 11% of retail...and as good of a bargain shopper as I am...I am NOT THAT GOOD!!!!



I did not run over my sisters FAVORITE stroller...cause that would be ridiculous...surely I would have remembered that I placed the stroller behind the car, so I would not forget it....and having NOT forgotten it, I surely could NOT have backed over it.



I did not sleep till 10:30 on Saturday while my husband got up and not only watched over our boys, but also over their friends who had spent the night...and he made them breakfast. Oh, I did not have the same husband bring me coffee in bed(@ 10:30 am) cause I was surely up and about.



I did not watch iCarly when I was home alone last week...cause it is a kids show...and I am so not into that kind of stuff...truth be told I LOVE iCARLY!!!!



I did not show my kids the "safe" way to be pyro-maniacs last night while we sat around the fire pit...."because ONLY YOU can prevent forest fires"

Not Me Monday 11/17/08

*******UPDATED********

It seems everyday during the week, I have random thoughts of..."THIS is so going to be a 'Not Me " entry next week." but then, in the utter craziness of my life I forget them and try to pinch out what little remembrance I do have at the end of a very long week. So, here goes.

I did not buy the cutest white maternity top from Old Navy this week because I am NOT pregnant and that would just be absolutely crazy..(but for those of you who do not believe me, at least understand that I am really tall and I have issues with finding long shirts...and sometimes, just sometimes the extra length bequeathed to maternity tops hits me just great and I can not resist.)

I did not run away from the Monkey Exhibit at the Zoo last week when the Monkeys stopped being Monkeys and started doing "Monkey Business" Cause I am one of those cool moms who totally are down with the "How babies are made" talk...or at least I was until EVERY body part started having an alter ego within the minds of my growing boys.

I did not find and buy the cutest shoes at Target last week while shopping with my sister...because we were Christmas shopping...NOT shoe shopping. And they were NOT an amazing deep purple Mary Jane-like flat because there is no way that I would have anything to wear them with...oh and they were only $9.98!!!!

I did not buy my oldest son almost $100 worth of clothes for Christmas and almost fall out right there in the middle of Belks. Cause $100 is not THAT big a deal...did I mention that it was only FOUR items...and that usually when I spend a hundred bucks at a department store it is because it was an ADDITIONAL 50% off an already 75%...which is basically FREE and like twenty items MINIMUM!!!! I thought they would have to shock my heart to bring me back.

I did not spend 8 of the past 9 nights up with one or more of my children for PROLONGED periods of time and various cough-choke-gag-cough again-hint of fever-you better not puke on my bed maladies...cause that would be INSANE and I would then not be able to be a rational level headed mother in the morning.

I did not threaten my children with NO THANKSGIVING OR CHRISTMAS break if they did not make their fall goals...cause that would mean that I MIGHT NOT GET A THANKSGIVING OR CHRISTMAS break....and you don't want to see me at Easter if I missed Christmas.

I did not use the 1-2-3 punch of Tacos(for Saturday dinner), Hello Kitty Nightie(for Saturday dessert), and Meatloaf(Sunday after church meal) to make up to my husband the fact that I spent 4nights and 5days with my sister...cause I never use the power of a good meal and a great nightie to my advantage.

*****UPDATED*******

I have 6 sisters and 5 brothers...a few of who regularly read this blog. One of them sent me the following email with her own "Not Me" list. I couldn't help but post it...and I agree...she TOTALLY beats mine this week.

So I can't comment anymore on your blog for some reason, but here goes my Not Me Monday story... are you ready for it... I meant to leave it a couple weeks ago when it happened but at that time realized I couldn't leave comments for you under "name" anymore

So here it is...
I did not go with my friend/employer to a super fancy French
lingerie boutique while I was working. While we were Not there, I did Not
try on mulitple bra-panty combos that made me look and feel as expensive as they
were. Although all of the panties I tried on were done so over the thong I
was wearing, I did Not forget to remove the last pair of $50 grey undies from my
buttox and put my pants on over them with the tag blatanly hanging out the
back! After my purchase of the cheapest bra and panty combo they had at
the store, we walked out to the car and my friend Jennifer did Not shriek as I
leaned into the Expedition to strap her little man into his carseat as she saw
the tag to the $50 grey panties hanging out. I did Not jump into the front
seat, strip down as an old man pulled up into the spot next to us(AHHH!!), take
them off and sheepishly take them back into the overpriced French
boutique. Now I don't think the French owner believed my story, but that
doesn't matter because it did Not happen!
AHH!!!
That tops them all for
me.
Love ya,

Not Me Monday 11/10/08

It's that time again...time to bare our souls for all the blogosphere to witness.



Here is the TRUTH.

I did NOT take my kids to the doctor EIGHT times in the past two weeks...cause that would just be insane...especially since we had not been since SPRING!!!!

I did not do SEVEN loads of laundry on Saturday...cause I do not do laundry on Saturday....and having SEVEN loads to do on a Saturday would mean that I must have either flaked out on my motherly duties, or was at the Doctor ALL week long...and I have already denied that.

I did not eat FIVE helpings of shrimp last week...in one sitting...cause that would mean my petite girly figure would have been blown.

I did not completely freak out last week when I did a family themed night...and discovered what a complete amount of insane work it takes...cause I am SUPERWOMAN and I don't sweat the small stuff...or the blue pasta, or the HUGE American flag tablecloth, or the All American Apple Pie(that was a disaster)

I did not take all of my kids to vote with me on Tuesday...cause that would be just a little too freaky for my small community to handle.

I did not ditch a date night with my darling hubby, and spend the evening with my sister instead...NOT ME!!!

I did not cry myself to sleep one night because the a fore mentioned sister does not live right behind me anymore...cause I am a big girl.

I did not steal all of my kids Reese's Pieces from Trick or Treating...No really I didn't because, instead I just went and bought myself a 44oz. bag that I can instead keep ALL TO MYSELF(so much for that girlish figure)

Not Me Monday

I most certainly did not tell my daughter I would be there "in a minute"...45 minutes ago, not me.

I did not come close to laying out...as in causing bodily harm...to the photographer who was taking vintage pics for a MOPS fundraiser last week, not me.

I did not try to hijack my niece tonight from my sister, and let her sleep over here...and I most certainly did not make sure that she was monumentally crushed and that it was all her mommies fault....not me.

I did not buy an actual "Hello Kitty" nightie...because bringing sexy back does not include cartoon characters.

I did not cringe last week when my boys, in the presence of crowd of friends AT CHURCH, began singing, "Viva..........Las Vegas!!!" because I thought they were mimicking the new commercial rendention...."Viva....Viagra!!!!"

Nope, not me, you must have this author confused with another.